When it gets cold in there,

And you get nothing to care.

It might have shattered you as glass

But Whatever it is,it shall pass.

Even if you find it ugly and unfair,

Just remember there is beauty somewhere.

You will find it in,that bright sunlight passing through your window pane, just after a heavy rain.

And sometimes in the beautiful face, after shedding the tears in pain.

You might find it in the warm feeling of the first love.

Or in the night sky full of stars that are up above.

Sometimes as, fireflies in the dark .

And sometimes like, walking on dewy grass in the park.

But atlast that’s beauty my dear, you can see it

You can’t hold it.

And remember, eventhough it is fleeting it’s worth your every greeting.

I wish to get lost in a dark abyss ,

Live as if ,I don’t exist.

Oh!!dear lord Sometimes I wonder,

How would it be like,“to be forgotten”???

And,do I want to be remembered later???

No!!! I just wanna be missed.

When,I look into my blogs oftentimes I feel that,I usually write what I get as an answer for my over inquisitiveness and unending curiousness .They are more like suggestions from me to myself which I feel like sharing with those going through the same phase in life.The phase of introspection, the phase where you go through never ending queries and the phase of confrontation. Once my Grandma told me that there is no hell and no heaven ,we pay for what we do here in this very lifetime and on this our very own earth and trust me if you ask me Why I am writing all this here and how any of this is related to what I want to say.

– I don’t know!!!.

I certainly don’t know if I am making any sense at all ,but we don’t have to make it all the time . Maybe what’s making sense or what’s meaningful to us is an utter nonsense for others . So I don’t find it necessary to make sense everytime. Sometimes it’s Ok to be unprepared and unplanned because one thing that I have learnt in all these six years of my adult life is that not everything goes as we wished it to go, So why not go with the flow.

But again is it actually that easy to just go clueless and unprepared for situations.Well,I am not saying to do it all the time and specially for an overthinker like me who can actually overthink about overthinking (like an inception of overthinking😁😁..I know it was lame🙄🙄 🙄), It’s a task next to impossible. You see, people like us have two other backup plans ready in case one fails and sometimes we have plans ready in our head for situations that might never happen (say as an apocalypse😏😏😏). But it’s not just overthinking that is playing it’s part in writing our sucked up fate. Along with that some of us are bit socially awkward too,which in some situations make us over- enthusiastic and overanxious in others,its like a cherry 🍒 on top.

So it won’t change much if we have planned and rehearsed the whole situation twice or even thrice in some cases,we end up being a mess and often a piece of joke for others. And it’s quite possible that even after those countless bouts of overthinking and planning we might get a thing to overthink again. And if same happens with you too then…

Give it some time maybe a few days or some weeks and for people like me it will take years, but trust me these are going to become the funniest anecdotes that you will love sharing with others and those moments of awkwardness and humiliation will become one of the cherished memories for lifetime.

During bad breaks ,they might bring you smile.Afterall this is you maybe a bit awkward, sometimes a bit anxious, sometimes an overenthusiast but at last It was you who made it through that time and you will make it again,and as I have read somewhere –

“In a long run life is not tragedy, but a comedy.”

PS: and about Overthinking, you are going to do it any way. This blog ain’t gonna help….so just sit back, take a deep breath, relax and OVERTHINK.👍👍👍👍

We will be together, In a hope to last forever.

It will take years and all our nights.

We will go through, the same blues and lights.

Every moment will take us back there.

It’s not all easy, and we must not fear.

But it needs an end in order to begin.

So, I am ready for adieu to see you again.

Perhaps we will not know it then.

But trust me “my love”,Someday we will….

Maybe not here , but we will somewhere…..

🌼♥️🌼♥️🌼♥️

I don’t know why it was hurting me,it wasn’t against my gender,it wasn’t against my community,it wasn’t against my religion,so it was safe assume that it was not against me in anyways….but I can feel something menancing happening where I live,I can feel that gloominess that hatred in air,because these days I am hearing such things every now and then.

Last night something strange happened while I was sleeping, this one thing got struck in my mind and then one thing led to another as if it’s a chain reaction, the more I was processing it the more it became agonizing and the pain started piercing through my heart,although creating worst case scenarios in my head and being anxious about them is not something I am new at, but this was different, different from anything I was ever concerned about.Assuredly because I consciously chose to remain ignorant about it but deep down I knew that there’s something gravely wrong about it.

I wish,I was brave enough to just wave off or condemn it publicly or at least brave enough to face my own fears. I wish I could directly ask If it’s affecting everyone the same way as it affected me or is it just an outcome of my overthinking and severely messed up brain???? I wish I could share what was bothering me.

I don’t know if it’s something worth worrying or not and if not,then why I am not able to shrug it off ???? It’s because there are people in my life whom I never want to see hurt no matter whether I hold them dearly or not,whether we are close enough or not,I never want them to be tied up with some wicked deeds of others. I always wish them to be safe and sound with their friends and family,simply because they exist.

Sometimes I wonder that it’s 21st century and we are still struggling for some most basic human things. I don’t understand how tough is it to accept one single thing that,we can’t hurt someone, because no one deserves to be violated.

No matter what gender we are, which community we belong and what religion we follow,we all deserve peace,we all deserve the assurance of safety,we all deserve love and above everything we all deserve humanity.

I am writing this here because, As I had told earlier I don’t have those guts to confront someone directly and meet the consequences.Here nobody knows me,nobody cares what I write, nobody manipulates what I feel.This is where I can be,“Me”.

A place where I am totally…… “ANONYMOUS”.

आज हिंदी में लिख रही हूं। अब हिंदी में इसलिए,क्यों कि मै हिंदी में ही महसूस कर पाती हूं। अंग्रेजी में तो सोचे समझे ख्याल लिख देती हूं बस। और तुम्हे तो मै सोचने से ज्यादा महसूस करती हूं। बहुत बार सोचा कि तुम्हें कुछ लिखूं ,पर फिर डर गई कि कहीं सोशल मीडिया पर अपने प्रेमियों के लिए स्टेटस डालने वाले लोगो की तरह मुझे भी क्रिंजि ना कह दिया जाए।और ये सब सोचते- सोचते ,हर गुजरते दिन के साथ तुम्हारा एहसास कम होने लगता ,और फ़िर दिनों तक मै तुम्हें महसूस करना भूल सी जाती हूं। …………………… फिर, तुम तो जानते ही हो कि मैं सोचती बहुत हूं।

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है,प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं।……...थे क्या??

कभी- कभी मै सोचती हूं कि ,अगर हम साथ में होते तो ,क्या मै भी सोशल मीडिया पर स्टेटस डालती तुम्हारे लिए?? शायद डाल देती ,या रुको! शायद नहीं डालती। क्यों की मुझे याद है कि पहले तुम मेरी इन हरकतों पर या तो मेरा मज़ाक बनाकर बहुत हंसते थे, या अक्सर सब जानते हुए भी मुझसे पूछते थे “कि सुनो,कौन है वो जिस पर इतना प्यार लुटा रही हो।”… फिर, इस सवाल में गलत भी क्या था????

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है, प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं।……..थे क्या ???

दोस्त हम नहीं थे, ये तो हम दोनों ही मानते थे पर अपने साथ को लेबल देना बिल्कुल भी नहीं जानते थे। एक दूसरे को छुप छुप कर देखते भी थे ,और पकड़े जाने पर नज़रे भी चुराते भी थे। …………………… फिर ,ऐसी कौन-सी बड़ी बात हो गई????

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है, प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं।………थे क्या??

जब भी पुराना फेसबुक अकाउंट लॉग इन करती हूं , तो तुम्हारे पुराने मेसेजेस पढ़कर आज भी मुस्कुराने लगती हूं। कहती नहीं हूं पर जानती हूं कि,अब भी तुमसे बहुत………….🥀🥀 देखो आज भी नहीं लिख पाती मै,आज भी नहीं कह पाती मै।………… फिर ,”ये” कहकर अब होता भी क्या???

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है,प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं।………थे क्या??

पर शायद उस वक्त “ये” कहा होता, तो शायद “ये” सब कहीं खत्म भी हुआ होता। और क्या पता अगर “ये” खत्म हुआ होता तो,मेरा सफर भी कुछ आगे बढ़ा होता,शिकायतें होती मगर कम से कम तुम्हारा यूं इंतज़ार तो नहीं होता।…………………………. फिर ,ये इंतज़ार हो भी क्यों???

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है, प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं।………थे क्या??

मुझे अच्छे से याद है,जब जाते वक़्त तुमने मेरे कान में कहा था “कि सुनो लौटकर तुमसे दिल की कुछ बात करनी हैं।” उस वक़्त मैंने भी बस हां में सर हिलाया था। कहने सुनने का तो वक़्त बहुत था तब भी…….पर जाने क्यों गला सूख गया था तब मेरा, जब मेरे आंसुओ से कंधा भीग रहा था तुम्हारा।

और देखो आज ज़रा,ना तो तुम ही कभी लौटे वहां अपने दिल की बात बताने,और ना ही मै वापस गई वहां तुम्हारी बातों को सुनने।…………………….. फिर ,हम वहां जाते भी क्यों???

और वैसे भी क्या फ़र्क पड़ता है,प्रेमी तो हम थे नहीं……….थे क्या??

तुम सोच रहे होगे कि आज इतने समय बाद,आखिर मै तुम्हे ये लिख क्यों रही हूं।तो सुनो!मै नहीं जानती कि हम, प्रेमी थे या नहीं…… “पर सच कहूं तो दुनिया कि इस भीड़ में मुझे अब भी तुम्हारी याद आती है,पर पहले की तरह ही मुस्कुराकर टाल देती हूं जब भी कहीं तुम्हारी बात आती है।” 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

तुम्हारी अपनी…..

We live in a free country and thus there’s no doubt that we have freedom of expression and certainly I am not against it,afterall it’s a basic human right . We are free to talk , free to think , free to hold opnions and free to react and if for once we keep aside our freedom of thinking ,most of us are doing pretty great in all the other aspects of “freedom of expression”.😊😊😊😊

In this digitally omnivore environment we can access any information in a SNAP then in just another SNAP we start reacting on it in every way possible that too by keeping aside our freedom of thinking. I mean why bother thinking,when you can do SNAP-SNAP. So guys welcome to the era of SNAP-SNAP, and incase you are wondering why i am calling it “era” inspite of “generation”……then come on, this time only the millennials can’t be blamed☺️☺️☺️☺️.And ,if you are confusing my SNAP-SNAP with Snapchat then I will suggest you to Google the literal meaning of “Snap” word. 🤗🤗🤗

And again don’t mistook the essence of this topic as if i am talking about “being outspoken” ,although I have some issues with the latter too but right now we are discussing about being impulsive and clearly we have seen a hell lot of impulsiveness in this COVID19 lockdown.

We are ready to react instantly on whatsoever we are accumulating from our society without giving a single thought to it, we do all this to defend our fragile ego in worst possible ways, an ego of knowing everything without considering the fact that there is always someone who knows way more than what we know and look there is no shame in learning something new, as they say “The more we learn, the faster we evolve”.

Oftentimes our impulsive behaviour comes out as a result of our emotional vulnerabilities and frustration and where there are vulnerabilities ,there are always people to exploit them for their propagandas. These propagandists manipulate our emotional insecurities to create an internal emotional bias within us by spreading fake news through social media and news channels. Some studies suggests that,“the content here is usually tempting to our emotions and it’s either extremely good or extremely bad.”and we are so prone to react in snaps that it ultimately leads to an instant jubilant or an angry reaction , these reactions are often poorly concieved where we forget considering the consequences and damage that our thoughts and deeds may cause. We are always ready to react at the drop of a hat and many a time we end up believing in the claims and ideas that are not only false but are also misleading.

So ,the question is what do we do ??🤔 Shall we stop using social media?🤔🤔 Or, or,or maybe we should stop reacting to the latest news at all…..🤔

well , these aren’t the solutions of any problem let alone this one but what we can actually do is,try using a “PAUSE”.

Look ,the thing is we can’t stop reacting to the situations happening around us .This is the basic human biology of our body, this is how our all reflex actions work . The feeling of reacting to stimulus is deeply engraved in our limbic system, and this rapid response to stimulus reduces the chances of damage in potential harmful situations, but even in these fast unconscious and involuntary actions there is a time lapse between stimulus and response. So can’t we take a few seconds just before consciously and voluntarily reacting to something.

And I guess it’s high time to ask ourselves a few questions like – “ whetherWhat we are feeling is actually valid” and“do we have a single strong enough evidence to support our claims???” and if the answer comes “No” then my friend it’s time to refrain.Even then if u chose to react …then as a saying goes-“Wise men speak because they have something to say and fools speak because they have to say something.”(No offense😊😊😊).

And if confronting oneself and asking these questions seems difficult then,I heard of this golden rule of Bible somewhere –

“Do unto others as you would do unto you”

Which can be roughly simplified as- treat others the way you want to be treated. And trust me (why would you🥴🥴) it seems tough but its not that difficult to treat others with some dignity and not hurt others just because you are feeling to do so or you have heard something,instead sometimes it feels good not to indulge oneself in this sort of vulturing. And I have seen people giving their best and calm responses even to insults and trigger words.(I wonder how🙄🙄🙄🙄)

So my friends next time, while confronting any situation rather than reacting as SNAP-SNAP… try doing SNAP – PAUSE – SNAP.

🌸🌸🌸💐💐💐

I am trying,it can help you too….😁😁

P.S. The above written content is not applied to everyone ,it is only for some over impulsive fools like me.😊😊😊

The idea of perfection sometimes intrigues me,in some ways it makes me wonder that how everyone has a different idea of perfection,for some people perfection is successful career others find it in successful marriage,for some people perfection is in accomplishment of materialistic illusions and for others salvation is utmost perfection,for some it’s a regular simple life whereas for some others perfection is in breath taking adventures.

There are lot of contradictions in almost every approach of perfection,which makes me question that , “isn’t the idea of perfection is vague??”. No matter how much we try,for someone out there we are always imperfect and let’s not talk about others, what we do to ourselves is way too worse.We set the bar of perfection so high for ourselves,that when it becomes unattainable we indulge in self loathing.This sense of detestation becomes so prominent that we start tainting our soul.

Our desire for perfection knows no end. This thirst of perfection is so insatiable that we upload pictures on social media with captions like… perfect life , perfect wife, perfect family , perfect husband just to gain some acceptance from others. The same acceptance that we lack for ourselves,the acceptance that we lack for the truth,the truth that our perfect looking 1080*1080 pixels jpg on Instagram is not as perfect as it appears there, the truth that finally our illusion of perfection is crumbling apart and trust me nothing hurts us more than a bitter truth. 🤔🤔🤔So ,the question is, What do we do?

Shall we🤔 stop broadening our horizons ,because some of us are falling in some illusionary trap.

Or shall we🤔 stop seeking success in life?

Or …or..or 🤔maybe we can change our captions from perfect to imperfect on social media.

Well ,well and well this ain’t going to help, but maybe a simple thought before doing anything can help us. The thought that-

Life is not a race of perfection. Life is a journey. A journey of small steps where each step leads to improvement.

And as I had read somewhere that,

“Practice doesn’t make us Perfect,rather it helps to improve us” .

It improves us from what we were before and helps us to become a better version of ourselves,every time we try .

So my friends all I want to say is sometimes it’s Ok ……NOT be SO PERFECT.

I am trying, it can help you too.

P.S. The content written is not applied to everyone, it is only for some attention seeking weirdos like me .😊😊😊

Sometimes I wonder,

Everyone has an untold story.

Everyone is fighting a battle.

A person who seems perfectly normal is carrying tons of emotional baggage

But,is this battle worth fighting??

Is this baggage worth carrying ??

We are unable to let go our past .There is this constant feeling of guilt and regret unbeknownst of the fact that,guilt and regrets are the most destructive emotions,they holds us back from a happier and better present,there is always this dissatisfied wish of going back into past and alter the reality.

We are in constant process of,ruminating over past . If it were those happy memories we wish to stay back just to relive those moments.

We as humans are incapable of appreciating the time,no matter how precious it may be.

There is so much running “to and fro” between past and future,that there is no time to stand still,to appreciate the present and to cherish the ordinary details of life. We often find ourselves fussing over past and worrying about future . “FUTURE”,that nobody knows. either we worry ourselves over those unpleasant events ,that may never happen or we are in constant process of Daydreaming , dreams where ,we are gratified by our unfulfilled desires. What we forget during this entire process is that,“Life is unpredictable”, nobody knows what future holds.

We spent our entire present in thinking about future,which has now become a past. We are in constant negotiation between regrets of past and delayed gratifications of future.

We can’t change our past, We can’t see our future, but still we are sacrificing our joys of present and squandering the precious seconds of our lives by worrying about future and ruminating over past.

We are not undertaking our thoughts rather,our thoughts are controlling us.

Let’s not mourn over past, because it’s gone too long. Let’s not worry about future, because it’s an unsolved mystery. Let our soul embrace , the beauty of present. because,it’s all we have

Sometimes,I ask myself a question

“Am I going to,Let it go???”or “Am I going to,live it up???”

and the choice has to be made now.

BECAUSE MY FRIENDS , LIFE IS HAPPENING NOW.

P.S. – The above written content is not applied to everyone, it is only for some overthinker weirdos like me.😊😊😊