We all have something we know is utterly wrong and vague yet we are so obsessed with it. Well for me it is the very idea of “love”or to be precise the idea of love that I was grown up with,“someone will love you for what you are,he will choose over and over again and still never get tired of you,he will choose you every day and will love you forever”.
Courtesy to my Mother,Grandma and ofcourse those so called cringy bollywood movies that even though I don’t believe in this bizzare idea anymore I m still obsessed with it, but now I have come up with my own interpretation of this idea.
I have made up my mind that I m not going to find my man in the place where I m living or let’s say anywhere around me. what it does is on one hand it always keeps my hopes up that there is someone for me it is just he is not anywhere near me and still gives me the reality check that don’t f***g look for him, you are so not going to find him because there is no such person not atleast around you,he is somewhere very far from you.
The thing is nobody is perfect and what I hate most about this beautiful idea is it always tells me how someone will come and love me with all my imperfections and flaws but never tells me,what I m going to do with the problems and flaws he will have, will I be able to choose him over and over again for whatever he is. And how am I going to deal with his issues when I m already upto my neck with my own issues, even though those will be his problems they will impact me at some point and with all this will I be able to love him forever the same way.
And if I don’t see myself doing all this why would I expect some guy to show up and put up with me.
This always reminds me of something that I had read sometimes back,I don’t remember the exact words but it was something like “we all want to be loved and accepted by someone but no one wants to love and accept.”
And one thing I m sure about is “No mom!!! He is not going to find me as the most beautiful girl on planet and I m so not going to deliberately solve his problems and step on someone else’s mess and if I can’t do it, I can’t expect it, from someone else.”
I don’t know how much of what I m writing is making sense yet I want to let you all know that, I m sure there is someone for me too, who is living in some far end of this world or maybe on some other planet or dimension but certainly not anywhere around me,so I think I should stop looking for him here too.